Sneezing For Australia

I have what you might kindly call a propensity for sneezing or what you might unkindly call a head full of snot. I think the grand sneezing fits and surgical attachment of my nose to tissues began sometime around the age of 10.

As a child I was quite healthy, so naturally I was jealous of all the kids with really cool and dramatic illnesses and injuries. I cursed my healthiness whilst I daydreamed of breaking my leg. Yes, I actually wanted to break a bone. I also thought asthma was exciting and my Mum's hay fever was just fabulous. I think I was slightly spotlight crazy. Mind you, I also thought that tubular metal park benches were the pinnacle of design. They featured greatly in my dream house. It's pretty amazing that I turned out reasonably normal when you look at that

For all my dreams of gruesome injuries my most dramatic ailment was a lazy eye, which doesn't really garner all that much attention aside from people looking over their shoulders to see if you’re talking to someone behind them. That does have it's benefits, though, because I can stare at odd looking people on trains and they think I'm looking at the poor sod trapped between them and the window. It is endlessly entertaining.

My best friend's family bought a hobby farm when I was about 10 or 11, which was just about the best thing ever. Aside from all the cavorting about in paddocks and being terrified of getting on the motorbike, this was also the start of my ongoing tussle with nature. Of course, at first I thought my newly developed hay fever was totally 'rad', until I discovered that my particular brand of hay fever never dies. I had pretty much the same reaction when I was diagnosed with asthma at 13, although I was relieved to finally be rid of my 'smoker's cough' as my stepbrother called it.

My allergies were never just your ordinary run of the mill allergies, however. Seasonal hay fever? Ha! If by seasonal you mean all four seasons, then yes, I do have seasonal allergies. In high school I was the go to girl for tissues which may have had a little to do with the box of tissues I carried in my bag. My mother began making jokes about how she should have bought shares in Kleenex. She still does. And I still hate it. Yes Mum, I'm using the internet to call you out on your hideous sneezing jokes. It's been 20 years, I've had enough already!

Slowness must run I our family, because whilst it has been 20 years for my mother still hasn't got the hint about how much I hate the sneezing jokes, it also took me 20 years to get an allergy test. There's a lot of faffing about in my family. I really have only one piece of advice for those thinking of getting an allergy test- do not get it the day after a long weekend. 72 hours without an antihistamine was never going to be great for a person whose main pastime is nose blowing, but try it over Easter. I apologise to all the people at our Easter dinner and hope that I did not sneeze on anyone's food.

It turns out I am allergic to the world. Which is bad. On the upside, I now have hypoallergenic bedding so I can breathe in bed. This makes me a happy little chicken.